Leaders communicate
On silent soccer parents and what it means to lead human beings
My older daughter is playing sports for the first time (I don’t count her short season of indoor soccer — that was just sheer chaos in a cute little jersey). As the designated shuttle driver for my family after working hours, I’m the one taking her to practices and games most evenings. And I have to admit, the people-watching is fantastic.
I’m fascinated by the different types of soccer parents. There are seasoned sports parents and newbies that forget their folding chairs (ahem, me). There are two-parent teams, lone parents, and entire extended families camped on the sidelines. There are parents who sit right up at the playing field line, those who hang back in the parking lot, and those who drop their kid off and run …
And there are parents who respond to the coach when she asks for input, and those who don’t.
Can you guess which kind of parental communicator I am?
I bet you can.
What struck me, though, is that I’m a rare bird in this flock of parents.
When the coach asks for a response, I respond.
I’m one of only three who does. The other nine families are quiet as church mice.
This felt — feels — strange to me. And it got me thinking. What would my life be like if I didn’t communicate?
One thing I’m absolutely sure of: I wouldn’t be a leader of any kind.
I have never met a leader who didn’t communicate.
Not once.
I’ve met leaders who communicate quietly.
Boldy.
Aggressively.
Demurely (and mindfully).
Directly.
In a more roundabout fashion.
But I’ve never met a leader who just … didn’t communicate at all. In fact, when I started digging into the academic research on this subject, the question scholars asked was never “do leaders communicate” but rather “how do leaders communicate”.
Nerdy side note: This paper from Cherfan & Allen (2021) on preferred leadership communication styles across cultures reveals that “attentiveness” is a preferred leader communication style across all culture clusters — and “impression leaving” and “friendly” were also right up there in the list of preferred styles that cross borders.
By definition, leaders lead. To lead human beings, you have to communicate with them. There are no two ways about it.
That doesn’t mean you have to be outspoken, or talkative (I’m definitely in the talkative camp), or instantly responsive. But I firmly believe that leaders do have to communicate — one way or another — with the people they’re leading.
Do you agree?
Bibliography
Cherfan, J., & Allen, M. (2021). Preferred Leadership Communication Styles Across Cultures. Journal of Intercultural Communication Research, 51(2), 134–152. https://doi.org/10.1080/17475759.2021.1963306
de Vries, R. E., Bakker-Pieper, A., & Oostenveld, W. (2010). Leadership = Communication? The Relations of Leaders’ Communication Styles with Leadership Styles, Knowledge Sharing and Leadership Outcomes. Journal of Business and Psychology, 25(3), 367–380. http://www.jstor.org/stable/40682659