Why practicing warmth, sincerity and competence matters more than the money in your bank account
I recently read the book The Status Game: On Human Life and How to Play It: On Social Position and How We Use It, by Will Storr. Admittedly, it depressed me quite a bit. Not because it was sad, but because it was in-depth and accurate.
The author went to lengths to research and write about all the games people play to gain status, and why status matters so much to us as humans. To look at the book cynically, you would conclude that the purpose of life is to play games.
To look at it more hopefully, though, as I eventually did, you might conclude that the purpose of life is to move in a better direction.
“Better direction,” of course, is highly subjective.
When I think about this from a communications perspective, I think about the endgame. What is the end objective of communication?
It’s to reveal your mind to someone else for the purpose of moving you both in a good direction.
We can’t do that when our audience (and by “audience,” I mean both plural and singular) doesn’t trust us, believes there may be an agenda that doesn’t align with their values, doesn’t think we know what we’re talking about, or generally questions our intentions.
The very last chapter of The Status Game is the list of “the seven rules of the status game,” which was the only point in the book where I felt the author was giving real advice on how to play the status game of life. The very first rule made me jump up and down:
Practice warmth, sincerity and competence.
These align perfectly with the elements of trust: connection (warmth), integrity (sincerity) and competence.
The status game is a game of building and maintaining trust.
Storr cites professor Susan Fiske’s claim that when we encounter another person, we immediately assess them on two questions: 1) What are their intentions? and 2) What is their capacity to pursue them? Storr follows this with a citation from professor Jennifer Ray that “perceived sincerity has been found to be essential to successful impression management.”
The impact you have on another human, and whether or not your communication lands with them, revolves almost exclusively on the trust you have created.
Why does this matter?
Because in the decades I’ve spent in technology marketing, consulting on messaging and writing high-performing content for leaders and organizations, I’ve spent more time arguing for building trust than anything else.
If your audience can’t trust you …
your topic gets tuned out,
your positioning message doesn’t matter,
your product marketing falls flat,
your content goes unread, unwatched, and un-clicked-on.
I could have been a typing automaton, just followed direction and written to the messaging guidelines without questioning my client’s thinking. But my integrity has always been stronger than my people-pleasing tendencies (which are embarrassingly strong as well). If I knew we didn’t have trust with the audience, and the work we were about to undertake wouldn’t improve that situation, I would advise my client vociferously. Even if it meant I was consulting for free. (Don’t tell my accountant.)
So this matters because trust is more important than your editorial calendar or your campaign plans or your speech topic. (Also, I’m tired of consulting for free.)
For communication to achieve its objective — whatever communication it is with whatever audience — trust must exist first and your communication must maintain it, or your communication must build that trust.
Bibliography
Fiske, S.T., Cuddy, A.J., & Glick, P. Universal dimensions of social cognition: Warmth and competence. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 11, 77–83.
Ray, J.L., Mende-Siedlecki, P., Gantman, A.P., & Van Bavel, J.J. The role of morality in social cognition. The Neural Bases of Mentalizing. Springer Press.
Storr, W. (2022). The status game : on human life and how to play it. William Collins.